


Because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets...

by nihonhistory



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, Asexual Kurt Hummel, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Dubious Consent, Friends to Lovers, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 10:55:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19990981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihonhistory/pseuds/nihonhistory
Summary: Kurt and Blaine start dating, but Kurt hasn't come out to him as asexual yet and is deeply insecure about loosing his boyfriend, should he find out. Everything just gets worse when Sebastian shows up and starts flirting with Blaine.





	Because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets...

**Author's Note:**

> A few comments to begin with:  
> English isn’t my first language, so I already apologize for all the mistakes I might have made. This story isn’t betaed, so all mistakes are my own.  
> Also I have only started watching Glee a little while ago and haven’t actually finished yet (as of now I’m in the middle of season 3). The story is pretty close to what happened, in addition with things that aren’t mentioned of course, but no real contradictions either. But I would like to explore their relationship further, and I make no promises that it will keep so close to the actual plot in the future. I switched one or two scenes so it works better, and changed a few lines, but that’s about it at this point.  
> There is one scene in which Blaine more or less assaults Kurt, while drunk. (That's the reason for the "Dubious Consent" tag.) What actually happens isn’t much different from the original scene, but because of Kurt’s POV it might be uncomfortable for some. If you want to skip it, stop reading when Kurt drags Blaine out of the bar and jump the the next paragraph.  
> I noticed that Kurt and Blaine are at times maybe a little to mature for actual high school teenager...I'm sorry, there is a reason I've never written such young characters before ^^"  
> Also some of the things they talk about, with regards to asexuality and other issues, might not have been talked about at the time the plot is originally set. So some concepts might not have existed than, but I wanted to represent a more current picture of ace issues. I also was to lazy to figure out which concepts evolved at which point in time within the community...  
> That’s it. Consider yourselves warned that parts of this might be sickenly sweet. I hope you enjoy my version of what happened, comments are always appreciated.

Gosh, he was such a cliché..as soon as he had one gay friend, he fell head over high heels in love with him. Kurt felt like running his head against the wall. He didn’t want to fit the “we pair the only two gays we know up, they will sure fall in love” troupe. But Blaine was just amazing, everything he could ever dream of. And he was attracted to men, so there was at least a bigger chance of them getting together than with his former crushes.  
But Kurt would not make the first step. He couldn’t risk loosing the one person he could talk to about his problems and who actually understood what it was like to be a gay teen in a small town in Ohio. And even if Blaine was attracted to him – and sometimes he thought so – there was still the other problem. Kurt might be gay, but he wasn’t homosexual. He was homoromantic. And asexual. Maybe demisexual. He wasn’t too sure about that yet, since he never had had an actual relationship. And just the thought that Blaine might like him, but than later reject him because of his incapability to have sex – that broke his heart. No, he was definitely better of simply staying friends.

***

It was a disaster! He couldn’t be sexy. He had no idea how. It was so embarrassing that Blaine tried to teach him how to make sexy faces. Kurt hoped that the ground would open up and swallow him. He couldn’t do this any longer, it was simply too awkward. He told Blaine so and stood up.  
“This is pointless, Blaine! I don’t know how to be sexy, because I don’t know the first thing about...” Kurt took a deep breath “...sex.” There, he said it!  
“Kurt, you’re blushing.” Blaine seemed to find his ignorance funny.  
“I tried watching ‘those’ movies.” Kurt was on a roll now, once he had started. “But I just get horribly depressed and think how they were all kids once, and how they all have mother. And god, what would their mothers think! And why would you get that tattoo there!?”  
Blaine turned more towards him, obviously with good intentions and everything, but Kurt was so uncomfortable and embarrassed.  
“Than maybe we should have a conversation about it. I could tell you what I know...”  
Kurt didn’t even let him finish “I don’t want the graphic details!” he burst out. “I like romance! That’s why I like Broadway musicals! Because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets...” He turned his head so he didn’t have to look Blaine in the eyes. What would his friend / crush think of him now?  
“Kurt, you have to learn about it some day.” Blaine tried again.  
“Not today!” Kurt shook his head and kept wringing his hands. He struggled not to burst into tears. “I think I learned quite enough for today. Thank you. I think you should leave.”  
Blaine shot him a disappointed look, but without another word he got up, took his bag and left.  
As soon as he heard the front door close Kurt threw himself on his bed and started crying. What would Blaine think of him now? Why couldn’t he be normal? Or at least normal-gay? - Most days he liked himself and was proud of what he had accomplished and who he was. But not tonight. Tonight he was miserable and all he wanted was to feel less icky about sex so he might have even the smallest chance with Blaine.  
Blaine hadn’t closed the door to his room and while Kurt was crying into his pillows his two cats strolled in and joined him on the bed. Judy and Freddie seemed to sense that he was upset, because they kept nudging him with their heads and paws until he finally started to pet them. He turned on his back and Freddie climbed on top of him, making himself comfortable on his chest, while Judy settled her head on his leg and pretty soon all three of them were asleep.

***

Kurt’s week didn’t get any better. A couple of days later his father sat him down to have _The Talk_ about save gay sex. One of the most embarrassing and humiliating experiences he had suffered to this day. And he was pretty sure that Blaine was behind it. So he was very annoyed with his best friend. But he was still too raw from everything to confront Blaine about it directly. That was why he resorted to a passive-aggressive strategy whenever they interacted during the remainder of the week. Even if he felt like dying inside every time he brushed Blaine’s offers for coffee or joined rehearsals off. He needed some time to regain his inner balance.

***

After a weekend with his girlfriends from McKinley, spend catching up and shopping, he felt much better on Monday. That was until he found Pavarotti dead on the floor of his cage when he checked on him in the afternoon. How could that have happened? He had taken such good care of him! He had even read a number of booklets about bird care to make sure he did everything right (especially after the molt disaster with Blaine a couple of weeks ago).  
Tears streaming down his face Kurt entered the Warblers assembly to inform the others of the tragedy. And he honored Pavarotti with a musical tribute. Since opera wasn’t really his style he went with a passionate rendition of The Beatles “Blackbird”. If he hadn’t been so upset with everything and still angry with Blaine he might have noticed that the other boy couldn’t tear his eyes from Kurt during the entire song.

***

He had decided to give Pavarotti a proper diva send off, so a couple of days later Kurt was sitting in the common room at Dalton and decorated a small box with rhinestones to serve as a casket. He had made good progress already when Blaine showed up. Asking what Kurt was doing and talking about his song choice for the duet they were doing for Regionals. Kurt was still a little flustered about Blaine’s attempts of giving him a sex talk and had difficulty meeting his friends eyes, even though by now he was ready to forgive him for sending his dad after him. Trying to distract himself from those thoughts Kurt decided to join the conversation properly.  
“Why did you pick me to sing that song with you? And why this song? You are usually so Top 40s.”  
Was he imagining that Blaine was blushing a little as he set down next to Kurt?  
“I just wanted something a little more emotional.” Blaine closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “And I wouldn’t want to sing it with anyone else. When you sang ‘Blackbird’ this week, that was sort of a wake up call for me. Kurt, you move me. You have moved me for a long time, I just haven’t always been able to see it.”  
Kurt’s heart was pounding. Could this be it? Could Blaine be meaning what he had hoped for and dreaded at the same time from the moment the other boy had first taken his hand?  
Blaine moved even closer and looked him right into the eye, like he was searching for the answer to a question he hadn’t even asked yet.  
“Kurt, may I kiss you?” Blaine asked, already moving even closer.  
Kurt wasn’t able to say a word, so many emotions and thoughts were racing around in his head. So he just nodded.  
And in no time Blaine’s lips were on his. Soft and firm at the same time. Both sweet and hungry. Better than anything Kurt could have ever imagined. For a few seconds he was simply overwhelmed, but than it was like a switch was flipped in his head, or his body, or wherever, and he was kissing back. He moved his free hand to Blaine’s cheek and caressed his face.  
Way too early Blaine drew back and slumped back on his chair. For a moment Kurt panicked that he might have done something wrong. But than Blaine let out a breathless chuckle and Kurt was delighted that apparently he had been able to take his breath away, literally.  
“We...we...we should practice.” Blaine panted.  
Really? He wanted to sing now? No way! Still a little high from the rush of the kiss Kurt found the courage to cheekily respond. “I thought we were.”  
It didn’t take much more than that and Blaine was back at him, kissing the living daylight out of him. He was practically in Kurt’s lap and moved his hands up and down his sides. Kurt in turn put both hands on his face to keep him from doing anything stupid, like pulling away again. When they needed to come up for air Kurt kept Blaine’s face close and tried to take it all in. The shape of his lips, the feeling of his cheeks with the lightest of afternoon-stubble. They were both panting now and leaning their foreheads against each other.  
“You are all kinds of wonderful, you know?” Blaine whispered after his breathing had evened a bit.  
“I have always thought that about you too.” Kurt whispered back, placing a quick peck on Blaine’s nose-tip.  
Blaine sat down properly on Kurt’s lap and rested both arms on his shoulders caressing Kurt’s neck with his fingertips. “Since when?” He asked.  
Kurt felt himself blush and lowered his eyes a bit, from Blaine’s eyes to his lips.  
“Since you took my hand on the staircase and dragged me to see the Warblers. And than sang Katy Perry to me.” He mumbled.  
Blaine pulled one of his hands back so he could lift Kurt’s chin up and look him in the eyes again.  
“I was singing it to you, you know. You were so adorable trying to spy on us and the way your eyes lit up when you noticed how different it was around here. But I admit I didn’t think of you as a potential boyfriend after our first talk. I thought you needed a friend more with all the problems you had at McKinley. So I never really noticed how hot you truly are. I’m sorry.” He pressed a soft kiss to Kurt’s lips.  
Even though being refereed to as “hot” mad Kurt a little uncomfortable, he pushed those thoughts aside and gave Blaine a lopsided smile.  
“Boyfriend?” He asked hopeful.  
“If you want to.” Blaine gave him a shy look through his eyelashes.  
“Yeah, I would like that.” Kurt said just as shy and tried to blink the tears away that were threatening to run down his face.  
Blaine brought his hand up again and whipped the few tears that had spilled over away with his thumb. Than he leaned in again and peppered his face with soft kisses before settling on his lips once more.  
Kissing Blaine was the most amazing experience he had ever had and he wouldn’t let his anxiety about the future of their relationship keep him from enjoying this while it lasted. So Kurt soon responded with enthusiasm and even dared to nibble at Blaine’s lower lip a bit, delighted when the other boy gasped in response.

***

Later that night, when he was alone in his room, if one didn’t count the cats on his bed, Kurt started to freak out. What had he been thinking? Why had he agreed to be Blaine’s boyfriend? (Aside from the fact that he was mad about his friend.) This would only lead to tears and heartbreak. He was asexual, just thinking about sex made him squirm and even though Blaine seemed to have enjoyed their kissing this afternoon without missing anything, he would eventual want more. And Kurt wasn’t sure he would be able to give that. This was a nightmare. He should have talked to Blaine about being ace, before agreeing to become boyfriends. Preferably before the kissing even started so Kurt wouldn’t know what he would miss out on. Because Blaine would surly break up with him now. Maybe it would even ruin their friendship, if Blaine felt like he had been tricked.  
Kurt flopped down on the bed dramatically, he was a drama queen after all – Judy shot him a very unimpressed glance, Freddie didn’t even acknowledge him. He buried his face in one of the pillows, trying very hard not to cry again. Blaine had been so sweet this afternoon, so perfect. They had kissed some more and finally started practicing their duet. And even though it took them a couple of tries to run through it without starting to kiss again, they had made good progress. Later Blaine had walked him to his car, where they had kissed some more, and whispered “I will miss you” into Kurt’s ear before he finally left.  
“Oh, Judy, what should I do? He’s just perfect...” he whined to his cat.  
His phone chimed and he dug it out of his pocket. Until he had unlocked the screen it had chimed two more times. Messages from Blaine.

_Hey beautiful <3_  
_I miss you :(_  
_Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!_

Again: perfect. Kurt’s eyes watered once more. He knew he had to reply and he couldn’t let Blaine know that he was having a crisis. It wasn’t his fault after all.

_Hello handsome :*_  
_I miss you too :((_  
_Wish you could be here for some cuddles…_

The last message was maybe a little too honest. But Blaine probably wouldn’t think that anything was wrong. He knew what an affectionate person Kurt was, he wouldn’t think anything of it.

_We can cuddle during lunch break tomorrow, if you like ;)_  
_And maybe I can come over on the weekend or so?_

The second message sent Kurt into another spiral of anxiety. Would Blaine expect them to do anything on the weekend? Like sexual stuff? He couldn’t do that, that was way to fast!  
“Breath, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, breath!!” He tried to calm himself. “You can do this. And Blaine is a nice guy, and you friend. He will understand if you need more time.”

_I’d like that tomorrow <3_  
_Have to see about the weekend, remember how my dad reacted after you passed out in my bed after the party? He might not like you staying over...unsupervised…://_

_I’m happy to cuddle you in plain view in front of the TV or something._  
_If you are comfortable with that, of course._  
_And if it’s not too much for him._

Kurt let out a relived breath, crisis averted, he could deal with semi-public cuddles.

_It might weird him out a bit at the beginning. But I think he’ll be fine._  
_Finn might be a problem...but I think Carol and dad will take care of it. So I think we’ll be good :)_

They messaged back and forth a little while longer, talking about possible movies to watch. Both movies they would enjoy (like My Fair Lady or Rent), and movies that might be more suited for the rest of the Hummel-Hudson family (like X-Men or Harry Potter). Around eleven they called it a night and after his usual skin care routine and throwing out the cats Kurt went to bed a lot calmer and even a little bit hopeful, that maybe this would not end in heartbreak for the both of them.

***

The next few weeks were amazing! Even though the Warblers lost Regionals against the undeniable spectacular original performances of the New Directions, Blaine and Kurt were doing great as a couple. Kurt even managed to keep his anxiety in check once he had noticed that Blaine made no attempts to push him into anything he wasn’t comfortable with.  
Blaine knew that Kurt had basically no experience and usually waited until his boyfriend made the first move to take things a little further. Like small love bites on the neck or collarbone. Not that Kurt’s skin was particularly accessible with his style of clothing, but with the Dalton uniform there sometimes was the chance of loosening their ties a bit and opening the first few buttons of their dress shirts – Kurt’s skin was so soft and lick-able, and Blaine took great join in leaving small marks on his porcelain skin. On a few occasions they had even untucked each others shirts and explored the others stomach a bit under it.  
Sometimes, during their more intense make out sessions, Blaine would get hard and Kurt would notice. But after Kurt’s panicked reaction the first time this happened they had had a talk, that it was totally fine and noting to worry about. It didn’t mean that Blaine wanted to do anything more than what they were doing, but simply that he appreciated what they were doing.  
Kurt wasn’t just someone he desired in a physical way. Sure, his boyfriend was super hot and he wouldn’t have minded doing more. But Kurt was so much more important than that. Blaine was already sure that he loved him, even though it had only been a few weeks since they got together. But they had been friends before so he already knew that Kurt was amazing to talk to, one of the strongest people he had ever met, passionate and Blaine loved him, probably in a permanent kind of way.  
So when Kurt started talking about transferring back to McKinley after hearing that his bully was switching schools, it didn’t take long for Blaine to decide that he wanted to go with him. He would miss his friends at the Warblers, and he was a little scared what adversities they would have to face there, even with Karofsky gone, but he wouldn’t let Kurt face those things alone. And he couldn’t bare the thought to lose so much time with his boyfriend if they would attend different schools.

***

After summer break Kurt and Blaine started their last year together at McKinley. In the beginning it was a little difficult for Blaine to fit in. Especially at the Glee club, much to his surprise. Everything was so different from what he was used from the Warblers and some of the other students, particular Finn, were almost hostile towards him. But he had Kurt by his side. Kurt who would squeeze his hand when no footballers (apart from the once in Glee) or hockey player were in sight. And even took him for an intense kissing session at a remote corner of campus after Finn had been so mean the first day.

***

Kurt loved spending his days with Blaine at McKinley and after classes were out they went on walks, or to the coffee shop or to one of their places. All was great, except for two things: his choice for college and his lingering anxiety if or when his asexuality would end his relationship with Blaine.  
He really wanted to attend college in New York, this had been his dream for as long as he remembered. And Blaine agreed with him on this. And especially on getting out of Ohio and into an environment where they could walk down the street hand in hand without fear of harassment. But lately he wasn’t quite sure which school to pick, more so after learning that his dream school – Julliard – didn’t have a dramatic arts department. So he was under a lot of pressure to decide on his future. To boost his resume he had decided that he needed to get the male lead in this years school musical.

***

His audition was amazing, he owned this song and the stage! But when he eavesdropped on the selection committee he learned that they considered him to effeminate for the role of a former street-gang-leader. That hurt. A lot! And shattered a lot of dreams. However, if he was totally honest with himself he could see where they were coming from. He would have been a smashing Angel in Rent, but maybe not a tough gang-leader, not if he wanted to be himself. And he knew better than anyone, except maybe Blaine and Rachel, that there weren’t that many parts for men like him, not even in musicals. There was a reason after all, why he mostly performed songs that were traditionally sung by women. Was he ready for the many fights it would take to get those few good roles? And Kurt had heard Blaine’s audition, he had been magnificent! His boyfriend would never admit it, but he would love to play Tony. He only hadn’t auditioned for it, because he didn’t want to take it from Kurt. And because he thought it would be inappropriate if the new kid got the lead.  
With a sigh Kurt got up, straightened his clothes and went to find Blaine to encourage him to take it. Let’s face it, his boyfriend was a lot more capable of selling the straight than he. And just because he wasn’t sexually attracted to those things didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate how amazing Blaine’s toned body looked and how fitting he would be for the role.

***

Of course Blaine got the role of Tony. And understandably he wanted to invite his friends from Dalton for opening night. The night he had gone there to deliver the tickets they texted, as they did most evenings.

_Hey sweetheart :* I’m back from Dalton_

_Great, how was it? Are they all coming?_

_At least they said so ;) I sort of crashed their practice, it was nice singing with them again…_

_Do you regret coming to McKinley?_

Kurt nervously bite his lip while waiting for an answer. He was afraid Blaine would regret sacrificing the Warblers just to be with him. Especially after the less than warm welcome he had received in the Glee club. He was still mad at his friends for that, particular his step-brother. Finally his phone announced a new message.

_No, darling! Never! I wouldn’t miss the time with you for the world, that’s the only thing that matters <3_

Kurt could practically feel how his heart melted.

_I love you so much <3 <3 <3_

They hadn’t said it that often yet, but they had done it before. He would never say anything that important via text for the first time, he had class after all.

_Love you too <3_  
_The Warblers have already replaced us anyway :P_  
_They have a new soloist, some new kid, I think his name was Sebastian._  
_Weird guy...not a bad singer, but his Uptown Girl was a bit whiny for my taste ;)_

_Maybe I should do a rendition of it as Uptown Boy in Glee ;) I’m dating one after all :*_

_Oi, should I be offended by that?_

_Never, darling <3 you’re perfect to me :*_

_You too <3_  
_I think he could get behind Uptown Boy too though…_

_Who?_

_This Sebastian_

_Why do you think so? Did he dress like me?_

_...he might have been hitting on me…_

Kurt dropped his phone and suddenly felt ice cold. That was it. He had been dreading this from the beginning. Blaine was going to leave him for some guy, some guy who was willing to have sex with him. Tears started running down his face.  
“Don’t be stupid! He just told you he loves you. And that you are the only thing that matters. He’s not going to leave you for some jerk he just met.” He angrily brushed his tears away and searched for his phone that had gotten lost among the blankets. When he found it, he had a couple of messages from Blaine.

_Kurt, sweetheart, are you okay?_  
_I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you like this. I should have waited till tomorrow and told you in person. I only care about you, you know that! <3 <3_

_It’s okay, I’m alright._  
_I was just surprised._  
_Probably shouldn’t be._  
_I have the best boyfriend after all, understandable that other people would be interested too…_

_You have nothing to be afraid of, darling :*_  
_I brushed him off, told him I have an amazing boyfriend and wasn’t interested in the least._  
_Do you want me to come over? I could sneak in and cuddle you :*_

_:* No, it’s alright, I’ll make due with the cats. It’s a school night and my dad would probably catch you. He’s downstairs watching football. But thanks for the offer._  
_And thank you for telling me._  
_I think I’ll go to bed now. See you tomorrow?_

_Of course :* sweet dreams, I love you <3 and only you!_

Blaine was so, so sweet, but Kurt was still crying. He knew it was silly. He cried himself to sleep that night. Alone, since the cats had abandoned him for once. That was really getting old, why couldn’t he be more secure in his relationship?

***

The next morning Blaine waited for him at his usually parking spot in the school yard. Kurt couldn’t even close the door, before Blaine pulled him into his arms and held him tight.  
“Good morning, beautiful.” He gave him a kiss on the forehead and after that a proper one on the lips.  
Kurt hugged him back just as tight, maybe even more so. And he was quick to answer and deepen the kiss. Maybe he was a little desperate after last night.  
Usually they didn’t do stuff like that at school, at least not so publicly. Too great a risk. But today it was just what Kurt needed.  
When they pulled back Blaine gave him a brilliant smile and Kurt was able to answer it mostly convincingly.  
“I bought you your favorite coffee.” Blaine picked two cups up from the picnic table next to them and pushed one into Kurt’s hands.  
“Thank you!” He gave him another peck on the cheek. “You shouldn’t have.”  
“I wanted to.” They started walking towards their first class. “And I want to take you on a date after rehearsals. With everything that’s been going on these past days we haven’t had a date in far too long.”  
Kurt took his free hand and squeezed it. “That would be nice. But will we have time for that? Opening night is getting pretty close and Artie will have us rehears forever...” He gave his boyfriend a sad smile to let him know how much he wanted to do this.  
“We will manage. Maybe just for a drink at the Lima Bean, but that’s better than nothing, right?”  
“Sound’s perfect!”  
Now Kurt’s smile was back to full force and that was all Blaine wanted. He knew that his boyfriend sometimes was insecure about their relationship, even though he didn’t really know why. He was so sure of himself when he performed or when it came to standing up to others, be it form himself or his friends. But for unknown reasons he seemed afraid that Blaine might break up with him – what a ridiculous idea! As if he would ever be so stupid to let Kurt go!

***

Rehearsals lasted even longer than they had feared. And after that Artie took Rachel and Blaine aside to tell them, that he thought their Tony and Maria lacked sexual passion, and subsequently forced them to admit that they both haven’t had sex yet. Very awkward. And it added pressure Blaine really didn’t need right now. He knew that Kurt wasn’t ready to have sex. And he would never want to force him to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. But at the same time he wanted to deliver a good performance. What a mess. It would have to wait though. He hurried to find Kurt, he had already wasted enough time!

***

They were snuggled up in a big armchair at the Lima Bean giggling into their coffees and enjoying their time together. It seemed like the universe was out to ruin Blaine’s efforts today though, when they were rudely interrupted by non other than Sebastian.  
“Hey Blaine!”  
Really? What was that guy thinking? Couldn’t he see that they were busy?  
“Hello Sebastian. How are you?” Blaine was more than a little disgruntled, even more so when he noticed how Kurt tensed next to him. Great.  
“Fancy seeing you here, I couldn’t stop thinking about you since yesterday.” Sebastian pulled a chair close and flopped down on it. Oh, hell.  
“And why is that?” Kurt wanted to know. Clearly as annoyed as Blaine, but also visibly shaken, at least to Blaine’s eyes.  
“Well, I was dying to met Blaine. Those Warblers just won’t shut up about him. Didn’t think he could life up to the hype.”  
“Yes, he is even more impressive in the flesh.” Kurt chuckled nervously and clutched Blaine’s arm tighter.  
“Hey, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?”  
“Well, we are rehearsing for the school musical...”  
“As fascinating and sexy as this sounds, what do you say we shake things up a bit? I get you fake IDs and we head over to _Scandals_?”  
“ _Scandals_?” Kurt threw Blaine a questioning look.  
“ _Scandals_ , that’s the gay bar in West Lima.” Blaine told him. Kurt stared at him wide-eyed.  
Blaine turned to Sebastian “We would love to, thank you for the offer, but that’s just isn’t our kind of thing.”  
“No, let’s do it!” Kurt interrupted him. “Yeah, I mean, we have a whole bunch of firsts to cross of our list.” Was Blaine imagining that his voice was shaking a bit?  
“We’re in.” Kurt told Sebastian, while Blaine was still contemplating his boyfriends unexpected decision. He thought he hated Sebastian. And Blaine himself didn’t even really like the guy. But apparently it was decided that they would go to the local gay bar tomorrow night.

***

The next afternoon they were in Blaine’s room, getting ready for their wild night out at the gay bar. Kurt was already dressed to perfection of course while Blaine was still dancing around in his undershirt. He was lounging on his boyfriends bed, biting his lower lip from nervousness and watched said boyfriend goofing around. This was sexy, wasn’t it? The way Blaine danced and everything. Why hadn’t he kept his mouth shut yesterday? He wouldn’t be so uncomfortable now, having to go to a gay bar, knowing he was in no way ready for what might happen there. His imagination was running wild and it was driving him crazy.  
“Do you think I’m boring?” he blurted out. He couldn’t just keep it in any longer. He needed to talk with Blaine about this, before they headed out to meet Sebastian – ugh.  
“Are you crazy?” Blaine laughed “You are the single most interesting guy in all of Ohio!”  
“I mean like...sexually...” Kurt sat up and took a deep breath to calm himself and steady his voice. “I mean, you are playing it very save by not granting our hands visas to travel South of the equator.” Not that he minded of course, but it also made him insecure sometimes. Maybe he wasn’t attractive enough for Blaine and that was why he never pushed for them to go further?  
“Why? I thought that was what we wanted?” Blaine apparently saw no problem there.  
“It is!” Kurt was hasty to reply “I’m just wondering...”  
He didn’t want to put ideas into Blaine’s head that he would regret later, but he needed to know. And asking was the only way to be sure about this.  
“Have you ever had the urge to just rip off each others clothes and get dirty?”  
Blaine kept dancing and eyeing his boyfriend suspiciously, where was Kurt going with this?  
“Yeah, sure.” Blaine said casually while moving closer to the bed now. Kurt started to panic, that wasn’t supposed to be an invitation to get his clothes ripped off, he just needed to know if his boyfriend desired him.  
“But,” Blaine continued “that’s why they invented masturbation.” Thank god. No danger for Kurt’s clothes right now. He let out a nervous chuckle.  
“I’m serious, yeah, we are in high school, and yeah, we have urges. But whatever we do, I want to make sure that you are comfortable, baby.” Blaine climbed on the bed with him. “So I can be comfortable, okay?” He leaned in for a small kiss that made Kurt smile.  
“And besides, sweetheart, tearing all your clothes off is kind of a tall order.” Blaine winked at him.  
Kurt nodded sagely. “Because of the layers.”  
“Because of the layers” His boyfriend agreed before he dove in for some proper kisses that went a lot way to soothe Kurt’s anxiety.

***

For some unfathomable reason they actually got into the gay bar with the IDs Sebastian had given them, even though they looked noting like them. Kurt had half hoped they would be turned down at the door. No such luck.  
He had to admit he was a little excited when they entered. Feeling the bass before they really heard the music, seeing the drag queens that were scattered across the room. But mostly he was scared. He had a really bad feeling about this. Mostly because it involved Sebastian and he was afraid that sooner or later he was going to lose Blaine to him, no matter what Blaine had said earlier about wanting him to be comfortable and everything.  
Sebastian waited for them at the bar and handed them each a drink, beer for Blaine and a Shirley Temple for Kurt. Since Kurt was driving he didn’t really mind, but he knew that Sebastian meant it as an insult. Still, he wouldn’t say no to a free drink.  
Much to his annoyance Blaine was pulled onto the dance floor by Sebastian only a few minutes later. Kurt knew he should have just joined them right away, but he had been momentarily distracted by one of the drag queens and their impeccable make up and fashion choice. And now he felt awkward trailing behind and being the third wheel on the bicycle. Why hadn’t Blaine said anything? Did he want to dance alone with Sebastian?  
After another song and watching how the other guy pulled his boyfriend bow-tie lose in a very suggestive manner he had enough. He drowned the rest of his cocktail and marched on the dance floor. Shimmying right between the two boys and effectively blocking Blaine from the dirty paws of this annoying and arrogant twat.  
Now the night became a lot more fun. Dancing with Blaine was great. While they often danced together in Glee club it was totally different here. There was no choreography to follow due to which they almost never got to touch each other. They could dance as close as they wanted. And Kurt took proper advantage of that. Maybe a little more than necessary just so Sebastian knew what was going on. In hindsight that might have been a mistake, but at the moment it felt very good to mark his territory so to speak.  
He especially enjoyed the slower songs that came on once in a while, when he was able to just sway a bit with Blaine’s hands on his waist and his own arms around his boyfriend’s neck. During those songs they took turns nibbling each others throats trying to leave as many love bites as possible. At least that was Kurt’s goal, he noticed that Blaine got more and more sloppy the longer they danced. Also his hands kept sneaking under Kurt’s shirt. While not exactly unpleasant, he would have preferred them to stay on top of his clothes, they where in public after all and he was horrible sweaty. In the end he put Blaine’s arms around his own neck and placed his hands on the others waist. With their positions thus switched the worst Blaine could do was mess up his hair, which was already a lost cause so it didn’t matter much.  
When he saw the dirty looks Sebastian was shooting in his direction he just gave him a smug grin, let his hands slip down a little lower, so they were now resting on Blaine’s spectacular butt and pulled his boyfriend closer, moving in for a particular deep kiss at the same time. It was very satisfying.  
The longer they danced, the more of a dead weight Blaine became. At some point Kurt decided he had enough and would rather get his boyfriend home before he hit the floor. Apparently he really couldn’t hold his liquor, he had only had that one beer after all.  
“Come on baby, let’s get you home, shall we?” He started pulling him towards the exit. Not even thinking about saying their good-byes to Sebastian.  
“This is the best night of my life!” Blaine exclaimed repeatedly on their way to the car.  
“Okay, okay.” Kurt laughed.  
When they reached the car he opened the backdoor, so his drunk boyfriend could lie down for the drive and hopefully wouldn’t throw up. Blaine tried to kiss him again, but after a quick one Kurt thought that his breath was really bad. He hadn’t noticed that inside the stuffy bar, but out in the fresh air he rather wouldn’t kiss him until he brushed his teeth.  
While he attempted to maneuver him into the backseat Blaine pulled him down so he was now plastered head to toe across is drunk and sweaty boyfriend. And suddenly Blaine became very handsy. He held Kurt tight with one hand, while using the other to press their groins together. It was quite obvious that the alcohol had not effected his ability to become aroused. When he started to push upwards against Kurt he began to panic.  
“No, Blaine, stop it!”  
“Come on Kurt, let’s just do it. I want you so bad.”  
“No, no, please. Stop it!” Kurt tried to get off of him, but he just couldn’t get his feet on solid ground.  
“I know you wanted to do it earlier. At home and the way we danced.” Oh no! Blaine had picked up all the wrong signals from him tonight. He needed to get out of the car.  
“I wanted it more romantic for you, but who cares about that. It’s all about us.”  
“You’re right! It’s about us!” Kurt had finally gotten free and was now standing next to the car, practically screaming because he was in such a panic. “That’s why I don’t want to do it on a night you spend half of dancing with another guy! And when you are sober enough to remember it the next day!”  
Blaine had managed to sit up again and was looking at him confused.  
“Why are you yelling at me?”  
“Because I have never felt less like being intimate with someone than right now! And either you can’t tell, or you just don’t care!” Hot tears were running down his face at this point. He didn’t know what to do with this scary version of his boyfriend and he was sure this was the moment they were going to break up.  
Blaine got out of the car and turned away from him.  
“Where are you going!” Kurt cried.  
Blaine turned around and was now yelling as well “I’m sorry if I’m trying to be spontaneous and fun!”  
This was supposed to be fun?! Kurt tried to bite back a sob.  
“I’m going to walk home.” Blaine turned away and started moving down the parking lot.  
“Blaine!” Was he crazy? He couldn’t walk home, drunk as he was! Kurt couldn’t remember ever having felt so helpless before.  
He got into his car and slowly started following his boyfriend, maybe ex-boyfriend, he wasn’t sure. But he had to focus on the more immanent problems here. First he needed to calm down and second he needed to make sure that Blaine got home save.  
Since there was no traffic he could drive as slowly as he wanted, even slower than Blaine was walking in his rage.  
“Deep breaths, deep breaths! He didn’t mean to hurt me. Blaine would never do that. He doesn’t know why I’m so freaked out. He doesn’t know I’m ace. Deep breaths. He’s drunk. And angry. But he’s not dangerous. He will not hurt me. Deep breaths.”  
Slowly his breathing started to become more even and his tears stopped. He stopped the car for a moment, closed his eyes and put his head on the steering wheel.  
“You can do this!”  
When he opened his eyes again he saw that Blaine was leaning on a lamppost a small way ahead of him and was barfing his guts out. He waited until he was done and than pulled up next to him.  
“Come on, don’t be stupid. Get in the car, I’ll drive you home.”  
Blaine glanced at him unsure for a moment, but when Kurt opened the front seat door for him he got in.  
“Thanks.” he mumbled as he buckled up. And after a few more seconds. “I’m sorry.”  
Kurt sighed.  
“I know. Let’s talk tomorrow, okay? I’m so fucking tired, I can’t deal with this right now.”  
Blaine nodded.

***

_Are you awake yet? I’d like to talk._

It was around noon the next day. Kurt had slept in and than spent another hour in bed with Freddie thinking about the last night. Now that the situation was over, he could think about it a lot calmer. And while he was still pissed at Blaine, he knew that his own actions and issues had also played a role. He knew they needed to talk about it, and that he needed to come clean about his asexuality to Blaine. No matter whether they stayed together or not – he owed that to Blaine as his best friend. So after some more thinking during his morning routine he had decided to text him and ask for them to meet.  
It took some time, but while Kurt was having a late breakfast an answer from Blaine came in.

_Can you give me an hour? I’ll be ready than._

_Sure, that’s fine. Meet me at the fountain at the park._

_Okay_  
_I’m sorry…_

_I know. See you later._

Kurt got himself another cup of tea and went back to his room. He had suggested the park, because he knew it would be easier for him to talk while walking. It had always been hard for him to have difficult discussions sitting down and looking the other person in the eye. It was much easier to talk about troublesome stuff when he could walk. Since there was still time he booted his computer to check up on some good explanations, so he would have ideas how to make Blaine understand what asexuality meant. He didn’t want to blank on anything important and it kept him busy.

***

An hour later he sat on a bench near the fountain, sunglasses on his face, another cup in his hand, cacao this time (he didn’t need to get any more nervous, so no coffee for him today). He didn’t have to wait for long till he saw Blaine coming down the path. When he had almost reached him, Kurt got up and took of his glasses.  
“Hey.”  
“Hey.” Blaine gave him a sad smile.  
“Let’s walk.” Kurt lead them down another path, further away from the more populated areas of the park.  
They walked in silence for a couple of minutes, until Blaine finally spook up “I’m really, really sorry. I was horrible to you yesterday. I should never have acted that way. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I shouldn’t even have brought it up...I don’t know how I can make it up to you...”  
His shoulders dropped even further.  
“I was really scared of you, you know?” Kurt told him quietly.  
Blaine shot him a guilty look.  
“I didn’t recognize you and I panicked.” He let out a shaky breath, for a moment he felt last nights emotions wash over him again.  
“When I think back I don’t recognize myself either. I’m sorry...” Blaine mumbled.  
“But you do remember what happened?”  
Blaine made a pained noise.  
“I assaulted you...I tried to convince you to have sex with me...even though...even though I had promised you that we would wait until we’d both be comfortable...”  
Kurt saw that a tear was running down his face and couldn’t help himself, he reached for Blaine’s hand and squeezed it softly.  
“It was a shitty thing to do, that’s true. And it scared me like crazy...but it probably wasn’t just your fault...” He took a sip from his cacao to gather his thoughts.  
“I was very touchy when we danced. It might have given you the wrong impression of what I was ready for...” - “No, baby! I should have known better!” Blaine shook his head vehemently.  
Kurt gave him a small smile.  
“Like I said, it was a shitty move. But...but there is a reason why it scared me so much. A reason why it was worse for me, than it might have been for someone else...Something you don’t know about, because...because I have been too afraid to tell you till now. ”  
He was so nervous now. This was the moment of truth.  
“I was afraid to tell you, because I was afraid you’d leave me. I’m still afraid. Because, Blaine, I’m not just gay...I’m also asexual...” - There, he had said it! No taking it back now.  
Blaine looked at him in confusion.  
“What does that mean?”  
“It means that I’m not sexually attracted to other people. Doesn’t matter if it’s boys or girls.”  
“But I thought you loved me?” Blaine seemed even more confused, and maybe a little hurt.  
“I do! Very much!” Kurt exclaimed. “Let me try to explain. I’m very much in love with you. I’m attracted to you in a romantic kind of way. And also sensually. I like it when we cuddle, when we kiss or when you mess with my hair when we’re at home. But I have never had the urge to have sex with another person...it’s not something I would do to show you how much you mean to me. But I know that it’s something that’s important to you, important to most people...”  
“You never wanted to have sex before?”  
“No...the thought makes me kind of icky to be honest...” Kurt felt like his cheeks were burning at this point.  
“It sounds so messy...with the sweating...and the...and the sperm...” Could his face turn any redder than it already was?  
“Guess that’s true...” Blaine said thoughtfully.  
Kurt started to feel a little more optimistic the way this was going.  
“So you don’t think I’m weird? That something is wrong with me?”  
Now it was Blaine who took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.  
“Sometimes you might be a bit strange, but that’s was makes you special.”  
Kurt almost teared up when he heard that, it was like an entire mountain was lifted from his shoulders.  
“So you’re not breaking up with me?” He needed to make sure.  
“Of course not! But we definitely need to talk about this more.”  
Kurt was so happy, he threw his arms around Blaine, not caring that his half-empty cup dropped to the ground. He buried his face in his boyfriend’s neck and started to cry.  
“Hey, baby, it’s alright...” Blaine held him close and whispered soothing words until he had calmed down a bit. When he finally pulled back Blaine’s shoulder was pretty wet and Kurt knew that he looked a right mess.  
“Sorry” He muttered and took a handkerchief out of his purse to at least blow his nose and clean up a bit.  
“Doesn’t matter” Blaine shot him a reassuring smile “I deserve a lot worse after what I did yesterday…” He took Kurt’s hand. “I don’t understand all of it yet, but I understand that with the way you feel about sex, that must have been even worse than I thought. God, Kurt, I’m so sorry! I feel so bad about it. I wish I could take it back...”  
Kurt tightened his grip a little.  
“At least something good came of it...who knows how long it would have taken me otherwise to tell you...”  
“Why didn’t you? Tell me earlier I mean?” Blaine wondered.  
“I was scared how you would react...afraid that you would leave me for someone who had no problem giving you what you need...” His voice was breaking again.  
Blaine pulled him close and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.  
“I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend. I don’t care if we don’t get to second base anytime soon, or ever if you’re not comfortable.”  
“I love you, you know?”  
“I love you too, baby.”  
“Can we go home?” Kurt was slowly coming down from his emotional roller-coaster and getting really tired.  
“Sure, if that’s what you want.” Blaine gave him another peck. “Shall I just drop you off, or do you want me to stay?” He still felt horrible about how he had pressured Kurt, and was totally prepared to give him all the space he needed.  
“I want you to stay, I want to cuddle.” Kurt replied, blushing a little.  
“All right, let’s do that!”  
So that’s what they did, they went back to Kurt’s house, cuddled on top of the blankets and after some time drifted of to sleep. Around dinner time Burt walked in on them, not that there was much to see, and politely but firmly kicked Blaine out.

***

The next week was a blur. Opening night for the musical was on Friday and they had rehearsals every day, not to mention last minute costume fittings and prop building. Kurt and Blaine barely saw each other alone and thus had no opportunity to talk more about where they were at with their relationship after Blaine’s much regretted attempt to have sex and Kurt’s coming out. So after the successful premiere they decided to skip Artie’s party and have a quiet night by themselves. They picked up some pizza and went to Blaine’s since his parents weren’t home at the moment.  
They sat on the bed and were eating their last slices, when Blaine broached the issue.  
“So, I did some reading during the week...”  
“Reading on what? And where did you even find the time? This week was crazy!”  
“Yeah, it really was...” Blaine agreed. “Reading on asexuality. In the evenings, I took my computer into bed with me and read up on it.”  
“Oh...” Kurt almost dropped his pizza in surprise.  
“Yes, I wanted to educate myself. But I have some more questions, because I gathered it can be very different from person to person, right?”  
Kurt nodded “That’s true, it’s sort of a spectrum and people experience some stuff differently.”  
“So, are you comfortable with telling me how it’s for you? Like, what are you okay with, what do you enjoy?”  
Kurt blushed a little at that.  
“I guess...” To win some time he cleaned his hands on one of the napkins and put the pizza box off the bed.  
Blaine gave him an encouraging smile.  
“Take your time.”  
“Well, I really like it when we kiss. That’s very nice. Especially when you nibble on my lips.” He felt his ears heating up. “Not so much when tongue is involved though...that’s sometimes a little...wet.”  
Blaine laughed at that, but took Kurt’s hand, so his boyfriend knew he wasn’t making fun of him.  
“Alright, I will try to keep that in mind.”  
“I also like it when we cuddle, or spoon. And it’s nice when I touch your stomach, it’s cute.” He shot Blaine a shy smile.  
“How does it feel when I touch your stomach? Is that okay?” Blaine wanted to know.  
“Yeah, that’s fine. Not in public though. Touching under the clothes in public embarrasses me.”  
“Good to know. I prefer to keep you to myself for that anyway.” His boyfriend winked at him. “The other night, you know, when we were getting ready, you asked about why we never touched each other below the belt. Is that something you would want to try?”  
“I’m not sure...I think I would like to try, at some point. But I don’t think I’m ready yet...I mostly brought it up, because...because I wanted to know if you thought I was attractive...” His volume dropped with every word and so did his head. This was a difficult thing to admit.  
“Hey,” Blaine pulled his head up again and gave him a soft kiss “you are the hottest guy I know. Never doubt that. It’s not because I don’t want to, but because I want it to be right. For both of us. That’s why I’m beating myself up so much about what I tried to do...”  
Now it was Kurt’s turn to go in for a reassuring kiss.  
“Speaking of ‘hot’, is it okay if I call you that? Or ‘sexy’? You are to me, but I read that some aces are uncomfortable being described like that…?”  
Kurt gave him one of his blinding smiles. “That’s fine! I mean, it was a bit weird in the beginning...and I don’t like other people calling me that, but it’s fine with you. I think you’re hot too. Maybe it means something different for me, but still, I think you’re very hot.”  
Now Blaine was curious “What does it mean for you?”  
“It means that I’m attracted to you, not just romantically, but also sensually and aesthetically. That I think that you are handsome and that I want to touch you.”  
Blaine nodded thoughtfully and snuggled a bit closer.  
“I know it’s not really on the table right now, but just so I have a general idea. Do you know how you would feel about stuff like handjobs, or blowjobs, maybe even penetrative sex?”  
Kurt made a little distressed sound at the mention of those things.  
“I’m not sure...I don’t think I’d like blowjobs...or rimming for that matter...that just sounds...well, a bit disgusting to be honest...but I think I could do handjobs at some point. Maybe penetration too, no promises though...”  
By now they were spooning, with Blaine as the big and Kurt as the small spoon. Blaine peppered a few kisses across his boyfriends neck.  
“That’s fine, sweetheart. I’m just curious.”  
“It’s okay. I like that you’re asking all those things. It shows you care. It’s still a bit weird...I’ve never talked with anyone about this stuff...” Kurt admitted.  
Blaine gave him one more kiss.  
“How about we drop it for now and watch a movie or something?”  
“Yes, please!” Kurt agreed enthusiastically “Can we watch Sister Act? I’d like to enjoy some Whoopi.”  
“Your wish is my command.” Blaine got up to fetch the DVD and his laptop.  
While he waited for his boyfriend to return, Kurt fluffed this pillows up a bit and than settled himself down again. He hadn’t felt this content in ages.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :) I hope you liked it.  
> Like I said, I'd like to write some more chapters, and explore their relationship further, so I might add more at some point, keep an eye out ;)
> 
> Funny side note, I wrote the ending with Kurt wanting to watch Sister Act and two days later I learnt, that Chris Colfer actually cited Whoopi Goldberg as one of his inspirations and that this was his favorite movie as a kid. What a coincidence!
> 
> I also want to add that the cats are named after Judy Garland and Freddie Mercury. I don't have particular feelings for Judy, but I felt like Kurt would appreciate her a lot. Also 50 years since Stonewall and the mythological connection to her death. Freddie on the other hand I have loved for more than ten years now. And I think he too would be a great idol for Kurt, being a fashionable, flamboyant, queer diva of an artist, not to mention a caring and kind person to the people close to him.


End file.
